


complications; we didn't ask for this life

by orphan_account



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse, Blood, Closeted Character, Death, Drug Abuse, Emotional Abuse, F/F, F/M, LGBTQ, M/M, Physical Abuse, Rape Warning, Schizophrenia, Self Harm, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Content, based on own personal experiences and just the general reality of some teenagers, chihiro is a transgirl, main focus is a few specific characters, mental illness warning, read with caution, substance dependency, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-08 01:51:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11636454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: not everyone is as happy as they portray themselves. happiness is hard, and sadness is a crushing reality everyone's faced.we've all got problems, some bigger than others. what can you do about it? life isn't easy.oh god how they wished it was easy.(((ON HIATUS)))





	1. troubling

**Author's Note:**

> i know, before you say it, i know. this is fucked and wrong and i shouldn't be putting this out there. i asked myself why i am, and soon after, i came to terms with myself and how this is my escape. this is my way of avoiding my issues and lack of happiness. you may understand, you may not. and that's okay, not everyone's going to understand. i put this out here because it's literature i feel i must share, for those who are into deep psychological and messed up pieces of writing, as i am. this is nothing but an experience for me. i am growing, shaping to me. as are these characters. hardships are only a stepping stone to a greater happiness, one of which i can promise, if i keep up with this piece. i try my best to stick to some canon facts but of course, some things will be very out of character.  
> most of my confidence to upload this is because of user Manae133033 and their work titled 'Nightmares and Dreams', which hasn't been updated for nearly 2 years so i'm putting my own take on the similar concept. i have no intention to copy and any similarities are NOT intentional and just coincidental, i apologize in advance for that.  
> chapter one focuses on sorta introducing some of the characters that i will write the most about, perspective-wise. the first chapters are going to be like this. i hope you enjoy.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: self harm, mention of parental abuse, mention of murder, schizophrenia  
> please don't hurt yourselves.

Screaming.

The sound was all too familiar to Toko Fukawa. She didn't blame her father, she would scream at herself too. Anybody would scream and lash out and put down the serial killer who murdered their beloved partners, but she isn't mad at herself for that. She could careless about her abusive coke-addict mothers who she murdered. She let Syo take over; she let the part of her she hated the most come out and have her fun, leaving Toko to deal with the aftermath. She blamed herself, not Syo. She ruined her father with what she did, she ruined the only parent who showed any signs of affection to her. She's why her father developed a dependency to alcohol, causing him to no longer care about his surroundings and all the ways he lashed out on Toko for what she did. 

She deserved this. She deserved all the screaming, the hitting, the strangling, the neglect, the starvation.

An hour passed by. It was three in the morning. Her father gave up, leaving his daughter beaten and bruised. He went to bed, locking his door behind him as he had no remaining trust for Toko.

Another hour passed. 4:00am. The sobbing beaten girl stood, stumbling off to the bathroom to clean herself up. She sighed shakily as she undressed herself, putting her clothes on the floor by the shower. She paused infront of the mirror, fully nude.

Another sigh, as she glared down at her body in absolute disgust. She was as skinny as one could be. Hip bones and ribcage jutting out, skin grossly pale it was nearly purple, cuts and bruises and scars of past regrets. Along her left thigh was a scar for every victim of Syo's homicidal impulses. Syo marked them down as a way to torment Toko, to prove to her of what she did, as a constant reminder to herself that she was a terrible person who can't control her dissociative identity disorder.

"U-ugly, gross...pig...bitch..." she muttered, more degrading words following up. She sounded as if she was in a trance, each word sounding more and more full of anger. 

During this state of her mind, she snatched up one of Syo's scissors and without second thoughts, dug it into her thigh, dragging it up and slicing her skin. Blood immediately made its way through the cut, collecting till it began dripping down in concerning amounts. Toko just laughed. And laughed. She wanted to die. She just wanted to end it now, but she wouldn't. Not because she was scared or anything, but because she saw it as an easy way out. She deserved to live and suffer the life she was stuck with, whether she liked it or not. She deserved the pain. 

It took awhile before she came back to her senses, letting her sadness sink in and eyes well up with tears once again as she cleaned up her wound, trying not to allow herself to faint before getting into the shower. School was tomorrow, after the long weekend had passed, and she had only one reason for ever attending classes in that hellish building.

A sigh passed through her lips as she stepped into the shower, turning on the water and standing under the light stream.

She was in the shower for quite some time, just standing there for awhile. After she finished showering, she exit, bandaging the self-inflicted wound before wrapping herself up with a towel and making her way to her bedroom to get ready for the long school day ahead of her. 

* * *

Nagito was... odd, to say the least. He always rambled about hope and despair and how everyone was a remnant of hope who crush despair...something like that. Truth is, he's struggling. He lives alone, broke, sad, tormented by the voices in his head. They're always the same voice, but multiple that all yell at him at once. He's named the voices Monokuma. No one knows why, or who he's talking about when he mentions Monokuma telling him this, or that. Everyone thinks he's crazy. They're not wrong.

The only one who knows of his schizophrenia problem is his best friend, Hajime Hinata. He's in love with him, beyond infatuated. He sees him as a figure of hope in his despair-filled life. He doesn't think he deserves Hajime, so he never takes initiative and makes plans with him. Hajime doesn't mind, he likes having to be the one to step up and offer to hangout with Nagito, as it shows him he's choosing to on his own accord.

"Hajime-kun!" Nagito yelled, standing outside by his friend's room window. It was wide open, there's no way he wouldn't hear him!

A bit of time passed before Hajime peered through his window, rubbing his eye and yawning. He looked pristine...messy, sleepy, adorable. Nagito swooned, smiling up at the boy. "Get up! School's soon. Can I come in?"

Hajime mumbled and nodded his head, disappearing from the window to eventually open the front door, welcoming Nagito who stood before him.

They had some casual conversation as Hajime got ready, the basic questions one would ask a friend. Before they left, Hajime grabbed an apple, heading for the door before stopping in his tracks. "Have you eaten this morning, Nagito?" he asked, looking back. Nagito wasn't the healthiest. His body was frail and weak, thin and...so sad.

"Of course I have!"

"What did you eat?"

"Oatmeal!"

"Nagito, you don't like oatmeal." Hajime sighed, making his way to the kitchen. "What would you like? An apple as well, or would you prefer toast? Maybe a sandwich? I can make you ramen real quick too, you need to eat! You look pale and-"

"Hajime...it's okay. I'll be fine! I'm not hungry." He smiled. Hajime grimaced.

He picked up another apple, handing it to Nagito. "Please eat this, you won't make it through the day without energy."

Just as Nagito was about to decline, Hajime put it in his hand, looking up at him and softly pleading he eat. Nagito felt his heart skip a beat, and reluctantly bit into the apple, showing his friend he was eating it. Hajime smiled. "Thank you," he murmured, leading Nagito out of his house so they could make their way to school. 

The walk was quiet, minus the sound of crunching as they both ate. They were happy together, never anything less.

* * *

Aoi's morning always start the same. Waking up far too early from a nightmare, going for a quick swim in the apartment's public pool, showering, then getting ready for the day. Today, she woke up later then usual, giving her no time for her morning swim. She groaned as she got up from her bed to take a quick shower. Today was going to be bad, she could just feel it. 

She returned, seeing she missed a call or two from Sakura, her best friend and undoubtedly, unrequited love interest. It was beyond cliched, she felt like a generic teenager's high school movie, but a little less accepted by society. She sighed, drying herself off and putting on whatever outfit she had layed out for herself prior. She picked up her phone, ringing Sakura. The ringing stopped, and she could hear a faint buzz of background noise. "Hey Sakura! Sorry I didn't answer your call, I was in the shower. What's up? 

"Think you can meet me at the snack bar down by our school?" she asked.

"Of course! I should be there in about...thirty minutes?"

"That's fine, I'll see you then."

"Okay!" Aoi hung up, sighing. After around 15 minutes of blowdrying and getting her hair in her normal ponytail, Aoi rushed out of her room and down the stairs, to the front door.

"I'm going dad!" she called out, and he peered in from the kitchen. 

"Ah, sweetie, let me give you some cash-"

"N-no dad, I'm okay! You need it, okay? You can start worrying about me when we're not in debt and behind in our bills, okay? I'm working on getting a job soon, so you don't need to worry!" She tried to convince him, assuring him things will be okay, but she couldn't even convince herself. Ever since her parents had that huge argument and divorced, they had lots of financial issues, as her mother was the working one in the family. "I gotta go, dad, okay? Ring me if you need me, and make sure you keep your phone nearby incase I call you!"

He nodded, looking rather down as he turned away to return to the kitchen. Aoi's stomach churned, from both pity for her father, and the lack of a proper meal over the long weekend. But she's stronger than that, she knew she was. She wasn't so sure about her father, though.

Sighing, the girl exit their apartment, rushing out of the building to meet up with Sakura at the snack bar. Today really was going to be bad. 

 

 

 

 


	2. crash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> makoto's got a bad case of the unluckies and a REAL BAD happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been hungover for like 2 days dude i'm barely pulling this outta my ass my motivation is in space while i'm down here in fucking canada with 67 migraines also i know it's not friday-sunday, but this idea is still fresh in my mind so i gotta get this out before i forget all about it  
> also btw SHSLs r kinda irrelevant in terms of why they're in the school they're in, it's sorta just a thing they're most known for in this case  
> also we're pretending hope's peak is special and doesn't require uniform bc 1. never rlly did in the dr1 2. ik it was in the anime but i'm too lazy to implement that aspect and i feel it's a bit too late

If anyone was going to enter Hope's Peak after a long weekend with an upbeat attitude and bright face, it was none other than Makoto Naegi. No matter how much negativity surrounded him, he'd always keep his chin up and head high. No one understood the kid, not even his best friend Sayaka. He paid it no mind, as he wasn't willingly going to give himself a possible reason to no longer face his days with a smile. Bad weather? He was smiling. A test in a class he's not the best at? The kid was beaming. Exams? You wouldn't believe how much positivity radiated from him. It made the rest of the school look like a poorly put together emo club. 

But today was different.

He woke up late, exhausted, rushing himself, hair a mess, clothes flimsily put on, not even grabbing something quick to snack on on the way. For the first time during his first year at Hope's Peak, Makoto entered with a frown that had everyone staring. 

"Makoto!" 

His eyes darted at the source of the sound, seeing Sayaka happily skip over to him. She slowed down as she noticed his expression, her bright smile turning into a lopsided frown. "Are you okay, Makoto? I-I've never seen you this down in the dumps before..." Her eyebrows furrowed. 

"A-ah, it's nothing! Just woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning a liiittle late." He replied hesitantly, forcing a little chuckle. 

"I can...see that, uh, you might wanna fix your shirt, it's inside out. And your hair is all over the place, and your breathe smells-"

"Okay! Okay, Sayaka, I got it, geez, you don't need to spell it out for me."

"I-I'm sorry! I couldn't help it, I'm really sorry honestly super sorry I didn't-"

"Sayaka, it's fine."

"Are you sure? I'm still really sorry oh gosh...u-um, here lets change the subject! Did you get my text this morning?"

Makoto shook his head in response. "I haven't checked my phone yet, let me check it out right now," he said, rummaging through his pockets and pulling out nothing but a few coins and a gum wrapper. He grumbled, swinging his backpack off his arms and looking through it, finding nothing of which was his phone.. "Ugh, dammit, I forgot my phone!" A heavy sigh came from him.

The bell for the first class rung, receiving another irritated sigh from Makoto.

"I-I'm sorry Makoto, I've gotta go to homeroom, but I'll see you after my first class, okay? Try to cheer up!" Sayaka ran off.

Despite his awful mood, Makoto slung his bag over his shoulder, trudging to his homeroom. Just what was the text? Was it important? Knowing Sayaka, it was just some gossip or an outdated internet joke that she's catching on to _very_ late. Upon entering homeroom, he was greeted by Kyoko.

"You look awfully down today, did something happen?" she said, following him to their seats.

"I just woke up so damn late, I look like I just walked out of a damn trash bin, didn't eat, and forgot my phone like an idiot."

"Well I'll admit, you do look like you just walked out of a trash bin," Kyoko said, not a single hint of hesitation in her voice. In fact, Makoto could see she had a hand up to her mouth to hide her little smirk. 

As Makoto was about to retaliate with some poorly put together insult, he was interrupted by the loud sound of someone practically entering the room by body chucking the door.

"Where the fuck is Leon?" 

That unnecessarily loud hothead was Mondo, and boy, was he pissed. No one replied for some time, but just as Mondo opened his mouth, Kyoko spoke up, interrupting whatever lecture he has to offer.

"He's not here yet, he always comes late."

"Well tell that ginger fuck that I need to have a word and a few punches with him."

"Is this about the the rumor he started about you and Ishimaru-san?" Junko spoke up. She stood up, leaning over the table with the palms of her hands down flat. Her smirk was evident, even without seeing it.

What rumor was she talking about, he wondered. Was it in relation to the text Sayaka sent him that he hadn't seen yet?

"The fuck did you say, you little bitch?" He stammered, stomping over to her, standing face to face.

"You heard me. Why don't you shed some light on it, buddy? Just gonna let the rumor roam before taking care of the guy who spread it? Pfft, hah! Fucking pathetic."

"You shut the fuck up before I crush you, cunt."

"I dare you to try. Besides," she whipped out her phone, turning it on and tapping through it a bit before flashing the screen to Mondo. "Everyone's already seen the evidence. Poor, manly Mondo's secret is out! How devastating, how so full of hopelessness...and despair. You mean to tell me that's just a rumor? I don't know about you, but that looks a lot like-"

Mondo punched her. Gasped filled the room. He punched her again. Junko was on the floor. 

"M-Mondo, dude, stop!" one yelled, as several people got out of their seats. 

"You guys wanna fuck with me next? Don't fuck with me!"

Things were pretty out of hand to begin with, but as another approached, he knocked them clean out. Makoto rushed to his feet, sprinting towards Mondo as Kyoko yelled at him to come back in the near distance.

"Mondo, quit it, dude! You think anyone's gonna believe this rumor's a lie if you react like that?!"

Mondo practically growled at him, grabbing Makoto by the collar and lifting him up. "Listen here you dirty little shit, I'll do whatever I want however the fuck I please-"

"Woah, dude, you're fuckin' pissed!" And in came Leon. He looked almost excited to deal with Mondo.

Makoto was chucked to the side, causing him collide with a desk and smash the back of his head on a desk. Kyoko rushed over to come and aid him.

Everything felt fuzzy, his head felt light and things were getting dark...darker, and darker...then black.

* * *

 

"Naegi-san...please wake up, ahh, oh dear oh no Kirigiri-san is gonna kill me I'm the worst nurse ever I can't do anything right I-"

Makoto groaned as he awoke, annoyed with the constant rambling of the student nurse waking him up. 

"W-what happ- agh, dammit!" his words were interrupted by a pounding headache as he sat up. His head hung low as his hands covered his head as if it would stop the headache.

"A-ah! Y-you're awake oh gosh oh dear I'm so sorry, did I awake you? I'm terribly sorry, I j-" she started crying. A lot. "I-I'll do anything to cheer you up? Um, do you want me t-to die? Or I can t-take my clothes off! Anything!"

"I want you to _please_  shut up before I bash my head against this wall."

"I-I...okay, b-but I need you to take this," she whispered, handing him a pill in a tiny paper cup. "I'll be r-right back to get you water, Naegi-san."

Could his day potentially get any worse? He hoped not more than anything. 

The girl returned with a cup of water in a paper cup, handing it to Makoto slowly. He slowly took down the pill. "M-my name is...Tsumiki Mikan...y-you can just call me Mikan, I don't mind," she said softly, looking at the ground while fidgeting with her fingers. "Y-you should try to sleep some more, o-okay? And get home when you're feeling better."

Makoto just nodded. Everything hurt. His head, chest, back. His memory was fuzzy but all he could conjure up was Mondo being absolutely infuriated. Right now, though, he chose not to pay it so much mind, as it just made his killer headache feel worse. Instead, he laid for what felt like forever until he fell asleep.

An hour or two passed before Makoto woke up. His headache was nothing but a little ache by now, but Mikan refused to let him join his class. Defeated after many attempts to convince her, he finally decided to head home. He felt like he deserved to at this point, as his day was an absolute nightmare.

Upon entering his home, he paid no mind to anything else, heading immediately to his bedroom to lay down. On his bedside table was his phone, still plugged in the charger.

Now was finally his chance to see Sayaka's text! He turned on his phone, imputing his pin code and going onto the messenger app. He tapped his conversation with Sayaka.

"What the..." What he received was the link to a tweet on Twitter, the link's preview said 'Fucking queers thou...' Makoto sighed, tapping on the link and waiting for the app to open up. In the tweet were images of Mondo and Taka very clearly in one of the bedrooms, evidently getting it on. They were taken through the crack of an open door. How disrespectful of people's private lives can you possibly be, Leon?

Makoto groaned, turning his phone off and putting it back on his bedside table, turning over in his bed. Everyone was sick with Leon. He tried his best to stretch for gossip, he loved exploiting people for doing what they do or who they do and never minding his own business. 

He heard the house door open, it ripped him out of his thoughts and back into reality.

"Where the fuck is it?" 

Who's voice was that? What's going on?

"J-just wait, I promise, I have it, okay? Just calm down a-and please don't hurt me..."

That second voice was Komaru! And did she just plead he not hurt her? Something was going on, and it was not very friendly. What did she have that they want? His breathing hitched, and his head started pounding just as hard as his heartbeat. 

"Then hurry up you little bitch, I ain't got all fuckin' day."

He could hear him shove Komaru, and then her stumble to the ground.

"Ow! Hey, don't shove me!"

"Hurry. Up."

More mumbling. Footsteps, following one another into her room. A loud smash broke the silence.

"You fucking little bitch, you don't have it, do you? I could fucking shoot you right now."

"N-no, wait, please, I swear I had it! I really did, I-I don't know where it went!"

"You have until tonight, twelve sharp, am I fucking clear?"

"Y-yes."

Loud footsteps, passing by and out the door. He could hear Komaru break down, crying hard and loud. Makoto didn't know what to do, what's exactly going on with her and this guy? And why is he threatening to hurt her? In a fit a rage, confusion and just being genuinely upset, Makoto rushed out of his room, straight into Komaru's. His little sister screamed, throwing the nearest item at him. It was a shirt.

"K-Komaru...what's going on? Could you please tell me, I'm your big brother, you know I'm worried about you, I heard everything! Please, Komaru, tell-"

"I can't." She mumbled.

"W-what? What do you-"

"I can't!" She screamed, shoving past him. "Don't speak a word of this to mama and papa, p-please..." she ran out the house.

Makoto spent the next few hours in bed, worrying, texting Komaru every few minutes, spamming her with calls until it wouldn't even ring her anymore. He couldn't take this or understand it, what the hell is going on with her? 

* * *

 

He skipped out on dinner that evening, going out for a walk as the sun was just setting. He stopped at a coffeehouse, sitting there to think for a bit. Time went by fast, and it was nearly eleven-thirty. He decided to head back home, immediately passing out once getting into his bed. 

Maybe ten minutes passed, even five, before he was awoken by the sound of glass smashing, from what sounded like it came from the living room. His heart was pounding, body shaking as he jolted off his bed, looking around the room for something to protect himself with. He settled with a baseball bat in his closet, exiting his room with a nervous gulp.

"You don't have the fucking money, do you?" It was him again. That voice. 

"I-I just need more time, really, I promise I'll have it by-"

Komaru was cut off by the sound of a punch- no, she was cut off by the punch. He knocked her out.

"Stop!" Makoto screamed, running over, bat gripped hard, but he was too late. He saw the unknown man with his sister slouched over his shoulder, jump out the broken window. "NO! STOP!"

His parents came in, trying to get a hold of the screaming boy. He sprinted for the window, eyes blurry through tears as he fell out of it, running after the guy, but it was too late. He had already tossed Komaru in the backseat of his car, and drove away.

His screaming was heard all over the street, it was messy and broken. Like his vocal chords were being torn apart. Like his world has just been torn in pieces, and nothing could bring it back together. 

After a bit of time for Makoto to calm down, police arrived. He struggled to talk to them without choking up in tears. The night was long before he returned to bed to miserably sulk and wallow in grief. He checked his phone, seeing many missed calls and received texts all from Kyoko. He chucked his phone across the room, stuffing his face into his pillow.

He blamed himself. It was his fault.

His day really could get worse, and it did.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry makoto, and especially sorry komaru  
> also i'm working on a side komahina fic (that may or may not be a super cliche au) because i just want my boys to be happy & in love and i'm in love with nagito i mean it with all my heart  
> also if any of y'all w a tumblr wanna talk hmu @ bounsweetx, it's no anime blog but it's a blog regardless. i'm nearly never on it but my notifs for it are on and i have it up on my phone and i'm always down to chat and make friends i'm lonely please talk to me we can talk about danganronpa and music and you can vent to me or we can talk about the sky idc
> 
> also the notes from chapter 1 r here and i'm unable to fix that? they're no longer in chapter 1 as well so whatever just ignore it


	3. ease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's illegal, but it couldn't kill him, right?  
> it's just love, it couldn't kill him either, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is heavily based on a personal experience that traumatized the hell out of me. minus the part where someone came to help me calm down oops.  
> sorry for taking so long to upload this, i've been having a rough past week.  
> sorry this is fairly long and all komahina  
> pov suddenly became very hajime based but im tired and need to get this shit out so sorry about that, i might add hajime's pov but probably unlikely? that's too complicated and i already struggle trying to get his pov out not too lack-luster in usami cafe  
> nsfw warning ahead gets sorta heated  
> was gonna let them do the fucckkyyy but decided to save that for much later

Nagito didn't care about school. He didn't pay attention in class, always guessed on tests (that he stil managed to always pass, what luck.) Hajime wasn't in a single one of his classes, so he didn't see a point in bothering without him beside him, encouraging him. There was one student in his class that always bothered him, though. Who he was forced to be sat beside and tolerate as he came to classes high off his mind and blabbering about a certain Novoselic royal. He was always laughing, it was exhausting and Nagito wanted nothing less than to shove a textbook down his stupid throat.

"Hey, yoo, mornin', Komaeda."

"Good morning, Souda. Can I help you?" Nagito glanced over, eyes boring into the guy as he made his way to his spot beside the unfortunate boy. The guy he was always stuck with was none other than Kazuichi Souda, much known as the pothead of Hope's Peak. He smiled regardless of how irritated he was with him bothering him daily.

"Wanna ditch for the morning and get baked?" he said, pointing a thumb back at his backpack. Probably because all his weird bongs and such were in there.

"Mhh, no, I'm alright, I don't have any money on me." Besides, Kazuichi already looked "baked" enough. He wasn't about to say that.

"Ah, no, dude, it's on me! Don't worry 'bout it!"

Nagito paused, pondering it for a second. A little bit wouldn't hurt, right? Maybe it'd ease him for the morning, hell, he needed a bit of a break anyway, right? And surely this wouldn't affect his schizophrenia medication, right...? "Sure, why not," he sighed, seeing the huge smile form on Kazuichi's face. Their homeroom teacher hadn't arrived yet, so they left quietly, heading for the roof; Kazuichi claimed there was a spot up there that was completely free of surveillance, so they were unlikely to be caught.

"Have you ever gotten high?" the other asked quietly, making his way up the staircase. They were currently on the 4th floor, and there was a total 8 floors.

"No, and why are we taking the stairs? The elevator-

"It's broken. Bunch of students thought it'd be fine fitting twelve people inside, including that...Hifuri? Hifumi? I dunno...they just brought too many people, man. It should be repaired by lunch, though, so we don't gotta walk our asses down, I think..."

Nagito huffed, hurrying after him up the stairs. He felt faint already being forced to climb up so many stairs. His body was too weak, too frail and anemic for any form of physical activity. He only ever leaves his house for school just to walk with Hajime, to see Hajime at lunch, and spend time with him after school. It felt like forever till they reached the roof. The breeze was rewarding, as climbing up staircase after staircase made him sweat and beyond dizzy. He was catching his breath, sitting on the ground with his back pressed to outside of the door's wall. 

"C'mon, dude, lets go, follow me."

He groaned, slowly getting up and trudging after Kazuichi to some oddly placed pillar, and going around it, meeting up with a Kazuichi who was pulling out...a butane torch?!

"W-what's the butane torch for?!" Nagito gasped out, standing a bit away from him.

"Hmm? For getting high, of course! Also, a friend of mine is joining us. You know that little scene girl who leads that music club, Ibuki?"

"Really? Her?"

"Mhm, that cute shit. Hey, can you hold this for me?" he said, pulling out some glass bong looking thing.

"W-what's that?"

"Geez, you really have never gotten high, have you? Ah wait, I probably shouldn't give you shatter then, shit, uh, do you want a joint?"

"A what?!"

Kazuichi groaned, putting the weird glass equipment down, next to the torch. He dug through his backpack, pulling out a fairly small jar full of joints. He opened it, handing one to Nagito. He rummaged his pockets for a lighter and handed it to him too. "Do you need help lighting the joint too?" 

"N-no, I'll be fine. Are you sure I can have this? I-I mean, I need to pay you back, right? A little bug like me is super broke, I could never-"

"I'm smoking up with you because I think you're interesting, kiddo. And besides, you've dealt with my shit for so long, thought I might as well get to know you when I'm at my best and not whining about mathematics to you. You also just look like you need it, and I got plenty of this shit."

Nagito awkwardly laughed, looking at the joint between his frail, thin fingers. He sighed, putting it in his mouth and lighting it up, sucking as he did. Almost immediately, he coughed out the smoke, sitting next to Kazuichi. He could barely catch his breath. Was weed really that strong? It tasted a lot different than what it smelt like. Kazuichi handed him an open water bottle, which he immediately chugged down to help his coughing. After awhile, he was able to catch his breath, softly smoking the joint.

"Hey guys!" It was Ibuki peeking around, winking at them with a wave. She hopped over, plopping in front of the guys. "Ooh, who's that?" She asked, looking at Kazuichi as she pointed at Nagito.

"It's that guy from my classes I told you about. Nagito, remember? Nagito Komaeda?"

"Mhh...doesn't ring a bell."

"Yenno, the guy everyone thinks is fucking insane? Always with that Hinata kid?"

"Ahh! Yeah, Hajime ALWAYS talks about him to me!"

Nagito coughed out smoke again. Hajime, talking about him? His heart skipped atleast 12 beats. "H-Hajime talks about me?!" He squealed, inching closer to Ibuki. "What does he say? Does he hate me? Does he-"

"Woaah, there! Calm, calm! Ibuki never pays good enough attention to what he says, but I don't think he hates you. Don't worry, cloud hair guy!"

Nagito sighed in relief, taking another puff of the joint. "That's good," he hummed, sitting back against the wall. He paid no mind to the other two smoking up out of the glass contraption, just letting his mind stay at ease for awhile. He watched the clouds move by. Everything felt gentle and calm...

"Nagito, hey, can I see your joint for a sec?" Kazuichi cut in, interrupting his peace. He nodded softly, handing the nearly finished joint to Kazuichi, who put it in his mouth briefly, sucking. His eyes widened as he exhaled it out. "U-uh, um, how do you feel right now?" He asked, chuckling almost nervously. 

"Good...ahaha...I almost feel like nothing is real!"

Ibuki groaned, snatching it away from Kazuichi. "I told you to check them before you just hand it off to someone who's never been high in his life, you dumb shit! Of course you managed to give him the fuckin' shatter filled joint, you twerp!"

"L-look, I'm sorry, okay? They all felt the same weight wise, besides, I'm sure he'll be fine-"

"HE'S LIKE 90 POUNDS KAZUICHI HE'S GOING TO BE HIGH OFF HIS DAMN MIND ALL DAY! IF HE HAS A BAD TRIP AND THE SCHOOL STAFF FINDS HIM LIKE THIS I'M BLAMING YOU!"

"I'm sorry, Ibuki, chill! He'll be fine, I swear, I'll stick with him all day, okay? Promise!"

She sighed heavily, standing up. Her arms were crossed and eyebrows furrowed, despite her lopsided smile. She handed him a full bottle of water. "If I weren't super high right now I'd kick you but I gotta go and catch up with someone, you better keep an eye on him, okay?! Make sure he drinks this." She ran off when Kazuichi nodded in reply.

"Is she okay?" Nagito mumbled, looking back up at the clouds. They looked fuzzier now, and were moving a lot more quicker. His heart was racing too.

"Y-yeah! Just, don't panic or anything, okay? I'm right here, you'll be fine. Here, drink water, and eat this banana, okay?"

He snatched the water bottle, having troubling drinking it. His mouth felt super dry, and he felt like he wasn't breathing. He kept drinking, and drinking, and drinking, until he finished it. "It's...gone..." he spoke, chucking it to the side. He tried standing up, immediately falling back down and softly laughing. "I can't stand. I feel like a noodle!" He exclaimed, bursting into a fit of giggled. Kazuichi handed him his water bottle, which he immediately chugged down.

They sat in silence for awhile, watching the clouds. Nagito was having a hard time controlling his heart which was pounding far too quickly. His body was shaking.

_Bzzzzt! Bzzzzt!_

Nagito jumped, but Kazuichi gasped, standing up immediately. "O-oh man, Nagito, dude, man, I gotta go, Sonia just told me to come see her at the cafeteria, dude, yo, I gotta go this is my one chance, oh god, I'm going dude, I gotta go, I just gotta!"

Everything Kazuichi just said was one big blur to the shaking boy's mind. He just watched him pick up his bag and run off, leaving Nagito alone. Alone and as high as he'll ever be. He was shaking, heart racing, breath barely in his own control. His mind was freaking out, his teeth were chattering, his nails were digging harshly into his thighs, despite through the material of his pants. He couldn't take this anymore, he was so high and freaked out that he felt like he was genuinely going to die. He laid on his side, feeling tears fill his eyes. In a panic, he snatched his phone, panting as he dialed Hajime. He answered almost immediately.

_"Hey, Nagito, aren't you in class?"_

"R-roof."

_"W-what?"_

"P-please, roof-" he hiccuped. "Come, please, roof, please-"

_"N-Nagito, is everything okay? A-are you crying?"_

"H-Hajime, roof, please, c-come, I c-can't-"

_"I'm coming, just wait, okay? Breathe, and don't hang up, I'm on my way."_

Hajime assured Nagito he was coming as he made his way up, constantly telling him to calm down and that he'll be okay. Nagito took his sweater off, as he was sweating a lot. He scratched at his arms raw, shaking and panicking. It felt like forever till Hajime showed up, finding Nagito by hearing his immense sobbing.

"N-Nagito, hey, sit up, oh gosh what happened?! Are you okay? S-stop scratching your arms, hey, it's okay, I'm here!" Hajime helped Nagito sit up, sitting next to him and pulling his arms away. He looked at them, now covered in deep scratch marks, distracting him from the old self-inflicted scars. "What happened?!" He asked, looking at his eyes. They were nearly bloodshot red, completely blurred by tears. "Oh god, don't tell me-"

"I-I'm sorry, I'm pathetic, I-I'm gross, I g-got-" a hiccup, "high, w-with Kazuichi, a-and I-"

Hajiime interrupted him, pulling him into a hug and rubbing his back. "Calm down, okay? Take a deep breath for me." 

He didn't think his heart could race any faster, but boy, it did. After collecting his thoughts for a second, he did as told, taking plenty others as he was instructed to. "I-I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologize, I understand, okay?" Hajime spoke softly, still rubbing his back. He could feel the outline of his spine jutting out. "You should have called me sooner, you never would have reacted like this alone. Where did Kazuichi even go?"

"S-Sonia texted...him."

"That fucking...ugh. Hey, look, it'll be alright, okay? I'm here, I got you. I have some water, give me a second to get it out." Hajime unwrapped his arms and took his bag off, searching for his water bottle. He pulled it out, handing it to the teary eyed flustered boy. "Drink up, okay?"

Nagito began chugging it without hesitation, desperate to help the dryness of his mouth and throat. It wouldn't go away. Hajime grabbed the banana that was on the ground beside Nagito. "Did Kazuichi leave this for you?" he asked, to which Nagito nodded. Hajime unpeeled it, handing it to the shaking boy, who shook his head. "No? You don't want it?"

He shook his head.

"Nagito, you need to eat. It'll help you burn out."

He shook his head again.

Sighing, Hajime inched over. "Open your mouth. I didn't leave class for arrogance, Nagito."

Nagito flustered, opening his mouth. His mind filled with filthy visuals of this, the banana replaced with something much more vulgar and much more wanted. 

Hajime put the tip of it in his mouth, smiling at Nagito. "Now bite, and chew for me, okay?"

Gulping, Nagito did as he was told, feeling fuzzy in his stomach and more or less fuzzy somewhere else. It was hard to eat it, as his mouth felt super dry, but he managed to get it down. "Good job!" Hajime praised, making him squirm. After being fed a bit more and becoming ever so suddenly and uncomfortable erect, Nagito felt like his bladder was about to burst.

"I-I need to...use the washroom," he quietly whined, looking down at the ground. 

"A-ah...it'll be hard to get you to the washroom with how you are now..." he looked at the three empty water bottles chucked to the side. Swiftly, he briefly got up to retrieve one, handing it to Nagito. "Just use this."

"W-what? B-but,"

"Hey, I'm not carrying you to the washroom, you big baby. Now piss in the bottle or if you can make it to the washroom, then by all means, go on."

Huffing softly, he tried standing up, immediately falling back down. "F-fine, but you have to go over there," he murmured, avoiding eye contact. 

"Ehh? We're both guys, what's the issue?"

"I-I don't care, Hajime, that's awkward!" he squeaked, just desperately not wanting Hajime to see his uncalled for boner.

Sighing in defeat, Hajime went to another side of the pillar, waiting for him to finish his business in the bottle. Nagito couldn't believe himself, getting hard like some dumb teenager boy (as if he wasn't one himself) over something as innocent as being fed something particularly shaped suggestively enough for his imagination, by his best friend who he was head over heels in love with. 

"Hajime..." he softly called out when he finished, hastily closing the bottle after putting his (stupid immature teenager) member back in his pants. He put the bottle off to the side, laying down on the ground and watching the only person who mattered to him return. He felt a lot more calmer with Hajime there with him. He was all he needed to live, he was convinced. He'd do anything for Hajime, anything to make him happy. If need be, he'd end his own life for Hajime.

"All done?" he asked, looking over at the bottle. 

"Nhh, Hajime, don't look at it, it's gross!" He whined, sitting up and scooting closer to him. Hajime sat down next to him, staring at his flustered cheeks and glistening, sweaty forehead. He retrieved a tissue from his bag, wiping the sweat off. His own face was really close to Nagito, making him even more flustered. He couldn't help but admire his face. His grey-green eyes, his long eyelashes. His pristine, clear, lightly-tanned skin, his pointed nose, his soft, gentle, probably super nice to kiss lips... he couldn't help but fluster up even more.

"Are you okay, Nagito?" he asked gently, pulling back. "You look really red...do you need more water? I can get-"

"Nnno, don't go, please." He wrapped his arms around Hajime, kneeling _very_ closely between the brunette's legs. "J-just stay... so I don't freak out again, o-okay?"

Nodding, he hesitantly wrapped his arms around Nagito in return, desperately trying to ignore the pressure of his knees gently rubbing against _there._ He kept quiet, as his face was smothered against his chest, where he was hearing not only his friend's heartbeat, but his own intense heartbeat. They embraced each other in silence, only the sound of both their hearts racing filling in the silence. Time felt slow, like the whole world was waiting for them.

"Are you okay, Hajime?" Nagito murmured, pulling away briefly to look at his face. His cheeked were dusted with pink, which received a slight smirk from the pale boy. "You look a little flustered..."

"I-I'm not! I'm fine!" he grumbled, looking off to the side and bringing his knees up immediately. His arms quickly wrapped around his legs. 

"Are you sure you're okay? Was I a little too close, Hajime?" he spoke quietly, his words almost honeyed. He leaned over, putting his frail right hand on his arm. "Hajime...hug me again, please? I feel like I'm gonna die again."

Hajime knew he was lying, and knew exactly what he was trying to get out of him. 

"Okay, j-just, in a-"

"I can help you with that."

His breathing stopped, body suddenly feeling loose. "W-what?"

"You know, Hajime...that's what you're hiding, right?"

"N-no!..."

"Then why are you sitting like that?" 

"Because it's comfortable."

"Hajime, I know you hate sitting like that."

"I do not! Besides, even if I was having an "issue", y-you're just high, Nagito, you wouldn't-"

"I wouldn't what, Hajime?" He murmured, softly trailing his finger over his arm, to the side of his right thigh, trailing it down. His eyes followed his finger as he did his, hearing Hajime's breathing hitch. "What wouldn't I do, Hajime?"

He couldn't think. His mind was a mess. Was Nagito really implying he would...? No, he wouldn't. Besides, Hajime would never take advantage of Nagito while he's under the influence of something. 

"Have you ever wondered what it'd feel like to fuck my mouth, Hajime?"

His heart skipped a beat, lungs collapsed, and rock-hard member pulsated. "W-what?!"

Nagito softly smiled, a deep tint of red spread across his cheeks. "Have you? Even if for a second?"

Hajime was quiet. He only looked over to the ground as his arms fell limp at his sides. 

"Hajime...come on, you can trust me! I won't tell anyone," he softly giggled, placing his hands on either side of his legs. Almost impulsively, Hajime laid his legs out, leaving Nagito between them and staring at a very obvious something bulging through his beige pants. "Aw, Hajime, see? That wasn't hard...I can see something is, though." He giggled again, placing a gentle hand on the left side of his cheek, making him look back at Nagito. "Answer my question," he hummed, leaning his face close and resting his free hand on Hajime's bulge. "Have you ever wondered what it'd feel like to fuck my filthy, tiny, worthless mouth, Hajime?"

Gulping, he softly nodded, staring Nagito in the eyes. He practically lit up like a Christmas tree at his honesty. 

"I can't believe it! Hajime HAS thought about putting his cock in my mouth and-"

"Sh-shush, okay, Nagito?! I was honest, now stop parading about it!"

"I never could imagine the day Hajime would admit-" Nagito was cut off by Hajime's lips, and he practically melted right there, losing all ability to keep himself together. It wasn't long before the kiss got heated and sloppy, tongues fighting for dominance. His hips were gripped and practically lifted into the brunettes lap, where he desperately squirmed and ground himself against Hajime. Gently, breathy moans, squeals and soft suckling was all that was heard between the two. It was awhile until the white haired boy pulled away to catch his breath, melting in Hajime's lap. "Hh-hah...H-Hajime...kissed me...I-I can die happy-" he was cut off by a pair of lips meeting with his neck, immediately nibbling and sucking at the pale skin. "A-aah, H-Hajime, d-don't you think t-that's a bit high?" 

Hajime pulled away, staring at the bruise. It looked pretty on his ghostly pale skin, and a lot more darker than he intended for it to be. Probably because of his sensitive skin and general sickly complexion. "It's high enough for everyone to see you're taken," he growled, lips clinging to another empty patch of skin a bit lower than the first hickey.

"I-I'm taken?" he swooned, returning to gently grinding down. "I-I didn't know you were so possessive, Hajime..."

Another hickey, then another, then he was practically tugging Nagito's shirt down to suckle on his collarbone. He didn't know what overcame him, but every part of him felt the need to claim him. To prove to the world and every single person in that damned school that this pretty, soft, frail boy was all his and his alone. "Yes, you're mine. Is there a problem with that?" 

Nagito whined softly, tilting Hajime's head up with his right hand. "N-no problem at all. I'm all yours." He smiled gently, planting a soft his on his forehead. 

Hajime paused for a second, staring into Nagito's eyes. "Y-you're okay with this?" he mumbled, feeling extremely nervous suddenly.

"Mhh? Of course I am, Hajime. Haven't you noticed?"

"Noticed what?"

Nagito giggled, cupping his cheek. "You're funny. I like you, no, I'm in love with you."

Hajime froze for a moment, letting Nagito's confession sink in before returning to his collarbone.

Groaning, Nagito's nails dug into the back of Hajime's shirt, softly panting into his ear. "I-I'm so lucky that Hajime...even talks to me! N-never will I forget...the first time I k-kissed...Hajime..." More nibbling, more suckling, more grinding and panting and messy words falling from his mouth. He went on longer than he felt he deserved, eventually feeling a hand snake its way up his shirt, softly rubbing against a nipple. He whined, his legs tightly hugging Hajime's hips. "C-can I kiss you?" He softly asked. Without replying, Hajime pulled himself away from his neck, pressing his lips against his forcefully, practically prying his mouth open with his tongue. "H-Hajime-"

"U-uh...am I interrupting something?"

They both snapped to reality, their gaze immediately meeting with Kazuichi's. In an instant, Nagito jumped off his lap, standing up best he could. "Aahaha! Kazuichi, you left me!"

"W-well, it, uh, seemed like you had it fairly under control...I-I'll just go, okay-"

"N-no, we're leaving," grumbled Hajime, picking his bag up, putting Nagito's sweater in it and leaving in an instant, grabbing Nagito's wrist and dragging him along with him. Nagito just waved goodbye at Kazuichi, still rather buzzed.

"Hajime, you know...I thought youuu were...very heterosexual...you know, the straight...like a line...oh! Like your bon-"

"Shut up and lets go to your place where we won't get interrupted." 

"Mhh?" He hummed, stopping in his place before leaning close to Hajime, gently wrapping an arm around his waist. "Does Hajime want some peace and quiet to fuck me? So he can hear-"

"NAGITO SHUT UP AND LETS GO."

**Author's Note:**

> constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated, i'm no professional and criticism will help me grow as a writer. would appreciate no harsh comments about this concept and all, i also struggle with many of the issues and disorders i talk about in this story. if you so choose to leave something harsh, i will ignore it. thank you for reading and kudos would be appreciated, but not necessary.


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